This Is How I Disappear
by Danielle Wright
Summary: A songfic to MCRs This is How I Disappear. I made each line a title of a chapter and the corresponding theme of the chapter.
1. To Unexplain the Unforgivable

**To Unexplain the Unforgivable**

Gingerly he pried the cold fingers off his muscular arm. With disgust evident in his face, he carried the corpse towards the dumping ground. A shadow in the distance growls in impatience as his son- who was forced to dump the filthy corpse- shivered visibly after throwing the carcass as far as he could. "That'll teach that filthy little mudblood." the man in the shadows growled. Lucius is a man that you cannot ever cross. When you anger him, you better count your hours. Draco staggers to where his father was. He wretched violently as Lucius scoffs and leaves him behind.

"Stand up boy! Have some balls, you act like a silly girl. Even a filthy mudblood whore has more guts than you." Lucius spat. _But look where that bravado bought you mudblood_, he added as an afterthought.

Draco felt sick. He vomited all that he could; and when there was no more, he dry-heaved. He couldn't believe Lucius would drag him into this-this... This monstrosity. Shivering from both the cold and the _task_, he thinks of what he has done. Virtue-yes, he has one- tells him to tell authorities, but fear and family weighs heavily on his decision-fear is dominant.

He cannot believe that Lucius would kill someone. Deatheater or not, he now realizes that his father truly relishes this kind of evil. Draco had always thought that Lucius only joined leagues with V-Vold-_Voldemort _(there, he said it) in order to protect Narcissa. Now Draco knew better than to live in childish fantasies.

In all the 16 years that he spent in the manor, he never once thought of Lucius as the sick and sadistic bastard that he really is. This realization makes him vomit all over again.

Lucius, loosing what little patience he has, faces Draco angrily. "Man up boy! I haven't got all night! We both know patience is not one of my _virtues,_" he says the word with contempt. "I'm not one to hold back in punishing weaklings such as you. Pathetic excuse for a pureblood you are. Weasley's have more balls than you."

On and on the insults came from Lucius, but Draco was too numb to register the harsh words coming from his father. Besides, he's heard it ever since the start of Hogwarts, when they received his grades and Lucius found out that Granger had scored higher than Draco. Lucius was in such rage that he kept on screaming _mudblood_ _bitch_ whenever he can. And with each passing year that his grades were almost at par with Granger's, his father always stresses the _almost. _The treatment made him hate everyone all the more.

"Why?" Draco finally managed to choke out. "Why kill her? Why involve me? Why-?"

"Because, boy! Because." Lucius replied with a smirk. And with that he left Draco kneeling in front of his own vomit.

Wondering if his father is insane, he got to his feet shakily. With hesitation he went home. He was anxious to take a long, cold shower to wash away the filth of his flesh. But he knew that even if he took a shower every minute, he'll never ever feel clean ever again.

When Lucius and Draco got to the mansion, Lucius acted like they just went out for some window shopping in Diagon Alley. Of course Narcissa noticed right away that Draco was not really ok. Narcissa decided to talk to Draco after dinner, when Lucius was busy in his study with the family affairs.

Narcissa had an unexplainable urge to cry. She had this notion to keep Draco safe in her arms and tell him that everything was going to be fine. Sadly, nothing is going to be ok. Fear for the unknown threat made her run to Draco's room. When she got there, she threw open the door in panic, only to find Draco lying still on his bed. Narcissa knew that something was amiss, that something was wrong, everything yet nothing had changed. She wiped her hands on her clothes-un-ladylike she knows, but it is a nervous habit that she can't quite let go of. She swallowed the lump in her throat and tried to walk calmly in Draco's room.

"To what do I owe the pleasure, mother?" Draco asked devoid of any emotion.

"Does a mother need an excuse to see her son?" Narcissa tried to rebuke, but her voice shakes with unexplained fear.

Something half hidden under Draco's bed catches Narcissa's attention. She bent to pick it up. She froze. It was a frame, a photo frame- the only photo that Draco took a liking to- Draco's favorite photo. It was taken a year before Hogwarts, before Lucius changed- for the worse- before Draco became angry and hateful to others. As far as Narcissa knew, Draco kept this to remind himself-to let himself hope that everything will go back to the way it was.

With tears in her eyes, she faced Draco. "What happened?" She shook her head in denial- her son, her baby, broken to the point that he'll let go of his one hope- lay there calmly, as if he now has no choice but to accept this kind of life.

"What happened Draco? Tell me, please!" Narcissa half sobbed, half screams.

Draco just looked at her with empty eyes.

"Why did you let go?" Narcissa asks sadly, not expecting any reply. A long period of silence passes until finally Narcissa gives up. She left devastated and hurt, sad and fearful- she left defeated by whatever that was haunting her family. As Narcissa closes the door quietly and slowly, Draco whispers "because, mother... Because."

Narcissa doesn't hear.

All the while Lucius listens and knows what is happening. "How like a girl," he scoffs. He shakes his head as he heard Narcissa walk away. He continues to attend to family matters.


	2. Drain All the Blood and Give the Kids

**Drain All the Blood and Give the Kids a Shove**

Lucius watched in amusement as the new recruits nervously entered the main hall in a single line. He sneered at the passing youths as he saw that they were pale and twitching. His face became blank as Draco enters last, closing the door behind him. Without any indication of the pain that he felt on his right arm, Draco stood straight, impervious to his surroundings, guarding the entrance. The soon-to-be Deatheaters huddled together in the center of the main hall.

From a dark corner of the room emerged Bellatrix Lestrange. She smirks as new recruits cower at her sight. One youth dared to look her in the eye. He cannot handle what he saw. Bellatrix' dark eyes held nothing but insanity and doom. With a flick of her wand, the daring recruit was thrashing on the ground. Bella hit him with the Crucio spell. She flicked her wand again and the spell stops. She cackles as the youth whimpers and staggers to get up.

"Draco, be a dear and help the child up," she says airily while doing a twirl in her navy gossamer v-neck gown. She skips to the middle of the group and starts randomly pushing the youths. "Ooh! Help them Draco, they're very clumsy!" she giggles. Draco makes no move to help anyone. Bella happily skips and kicks the young recruits while singing: one, two buckle my shoe.

"Enough Bella," Lucius says. "The Dark Lord will be here soon."

Bella stops to pout. "But I want to play!"

"No time for games. Entertain yourself later." Lucius says dismissively.

"I don't like your tone very much ickle Lucy," Bella says darkly. "Who do you think _you_ are to berate _me_?" she hisses.

"It's Lucius, _belly_," he snaps. "Need I remind you of who owns the ground that you stand on? The food you eat? The bed that you sleep upon?"

The youths move closer to the doorway as the two adults bring out their wands. Lucius and Bella circle each other, snarling- almost feral. One could see death in their eyes; a hunger for destruction, misery, pain, humiliation… and limitless evil.

Draco shivers for he knew that look. Someone will die, if not now, then later. It may mean either one of them- which hasn't happened yet- or another unfortunate muggle or muggleborn. A mudblood will die. Inwardly, Draco is repulsed by what he witnesses. But survival instincts kick in and he puts on a smirk.

"Oh, a duel. What fun!" a voice hisses from main entryway.

Suddenly, both duelers stand straight to bow to the figure emerging from the doorway. "My Lord," says Bella. "My liege," says Lucius. _My ass, _Draco thinks as he bows his head.

The figure glides into the room and motions the young recruits forward. He directs the recruits to form a circle around Lucius and Bella. "Please, do not stop in my presence," the figure says circling them both."I haven't been quite entertained these past few days."

The figure chose a spot where he'll get to see everything. "Make sure someone loses an appendage." The figure hisses while stretching a slit that he calls a mouth in his _face._

Bella was only too happy to grant the Lords wishes, but Lucius began to hesitate.

Draco knew that the Lord was somehow testing him. Voldemort chose a spot where Draco was directly in front of him. Draco was right, Voldemort wanted to see how he'd react.

Without restraint, Bella began to attack. She gleefully sent curse after curse to Lucius, not caring if it hit the recruits should Lucius dodge. It was obvious that Bella had the upper hand-for how can she not, when she is mad with need to be the Dark Lords favorite pet?

Lucius dodges as best as he could, but a few curses hit him- thought he did manage to hit Bella, it only served to further enrage her.

Draco, at least, manages to keep his face a mask of indifference as recruits and his father suffer his aunt Bella's madness.

"Enough," the Dark Lord commands. Bella stops instantly. She is out of breath and flushing with pleasure. She couldn't help the manic grin spreading across her face. Her eyes held nothing but pure adoration for her master.

Lucius stands with difficulty, for he was thrown across the room with Bella's last spell. He winces as he tries to straighten his back. He almost gives up, but the thought of defeat forces him to stand erect with the little dignity he has left.

Draco watches silently as the recruits who were unfortunate enough to be hit with wayward curses forced themselves to stand tall, even though they were clearly still feeling the after effects of the curses.

"Come hither young ones," the dark lord commands. "You have given me pleasure in both joining the cause and showing resilience to the onslaught of curses that hit you. For those, I commend you."

Draco stifles a scoff. He knew that the recruits were forced to join and that they were too scared to actually show pain in front of the Dark Lord. The recruits wince from time to time and one was even crying quietly, hiding behind others and bowing his head.

"You have done well Bella," Voldemort continues. "Your skills in dueling are still to be reckoned with." Voldemort turns to Lucius with evident displeasure. "And you, Lucius, shame me. To think that the _man_"-Voldemort says this with scorn-"of this house can't even duel with a woman properly. You've merely shown me cowardice." Voldemort scowls.

Bella was extremely pleased with herself, flushing with pride; Lucius hung his head, he knew that it would be futile to explain himself to the Lord unless asked to.

Draco just stood stoically at the door; he knows that the Dark Lord was currently gauging his reaction. Voldemort's red eyes were focused on Draco, waiting for any sign of what Voldemort considers as weakness. Draco hides his emotions well.


End file.
